Substance, Shame & Secrecy
Are your drinking or substance use habits causing you stress, anxiety or shame?
Can one person in therapy really change a relationship?
Yes! Understanding yourself within the context of your relationship absolutely helps in terms of increasing awareness of your attachment framework, setting boundaries and changing how you respond to your partner.By “disrupting” the usual pattern of interaction, you motivate your partner to respond differently too.
Do you offer counseling across New York State?
I do! I offer virtual sessions via a telehealth platform that is simple to use and HIPAA-compliant with privacy. I conduct all sessions from a private office.
How Therapy Can Help
Working with you, I see the relationship as the client, with each individual contributing to the dynamic of interaction. I provide a safe space to share difficult things and ensure that each of you is heard and understood.
Through understanding your pattern of relationship conflict and incorporating concrete tools to navigate communication problems, I work with you to establish equal footing and for you to feel empowered.
What if my partner doesn't want to come to therapy with me?
Even if your partner declines therapy, you can still address your concerns in individual counseling. I will work with you to understand your part in the relationship, and identify the things you would like to change about your own behavior.
Can One Person In Therapy Really Help A Relationship?
Yes! Understanding yourself within the context of your relationship absolutely helps in terms of increasing awareness of your attachment framework, setting boundaries and changing how you respond to your partner.
By “disrupting” the usual pattern of interaction, you motivate your partner to respond differently too.
Do You Offer Counseling Across The State Of New York?
How Can I Get Started?
I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation as an opportunity for you and your partner to ask questions, and for me to get a general sense of your communication problems and why you’re seeking therapy now. From there, we can determine whether you would like to schedule an initial session and go from there!
I do! I offer virtual sessions via a telehealth platform that is simple to use and HIPAA-compliant with privacy. I conduct all sessions from a private office.
Yes! Understanding yourself within the context of your relationship absolutely helps in terms of increasing awareness of your attachment framework, setting boundaries and changing how you respond to your partner.By “disrupting” the usual pattern of interaction, you motivate your partner to respond differently too.
Is drinking every day a sign I’m an alcoholic?
There is no single sign that identifies drinking as an inherent problem or identifies someone with the label “alcoholic.” There are endless opinions on this subject, but I take the stance that every individual has a unique set of behaviors around alcohol use, and only you can assess if a particular pattern is problematic or not.
For example, do you have a glass of wine every night to “wind down,” or are you drinking every night to the point of passing out and finding yourself regretting it but also having difficulty stopping the cycle?
If your habit is something that makes you feel shame or regret, it may be a sign to do something to change your behavior. However, that doesn’t automatically mean you have to label yourself “addict” or “alcoholic.”
What about drinking in secret?
If you hide how much you drink, whether sneaking drinks in social situations or secretive drinking at home, you may have shame around your drinking. Secrecy and shame are two sides of the same coin and rarely do they show up alone, and usually feed upon each other. Sneaking drinks, hiding bottles, lying about your consumption, and feeling bad about it can create a world of impulsive and compulsive use that takes up a lot of mental and emotional energy.
If this is a place where you find yourself, I can work with you to identify the changes you want to make, provide tools for altering behavior and support you without judgment or criticism. If you believe in the idea that “secrets make you sick,” then confiding in and working with me will be a big step towards eliminating the shame associated with secrecy.
What can I do if substance use is affecting my relationship?
When someone struggles with substance use in their relationship, it can affect areas like trust, emotional safety, intimacy, and more. Once someone makes a decision to either address their substance use or abstain altogether this can also affect the balance and dynamics of a relationship.
As positive as recovery can be, couples often need time to adjust. In some relationships, trust has been violated and needs to be repaired. Fears around safety, both emotional and physical, need to be addressed so the couple can grow together and heal the past. Relapse is not uncommon for many people with substance challenges, so fears about the future are often addressed in therapy.
It is also important to remove the stigma and shame around addiction so the person in recovery can have an opportunity to repair, it while also focusing on the future. By acknowledging that recovery takes time and patience you give yourself the opportunity to help yourself and your partner greatly
What if I don’t want to stop, but want to learn how to moderate my drinking or substance use, is that possible?
Yes! I approach therapy around substance use from the perspective of Integrated Harm Reduction Psychotherapy (IHRP). Through this lens, I view your drinking or substance use as your choice and decision in terms of goals and changes you want to make. From there, we work together to understand your patterns and triggers and incorporate tools to help you reach your ideal use.
What if I need more than counseling? Can you help me?
I work in tandem with many trusted colleagues and programs in the Northeast and throughout the country that offer residential and outpatient services for people who find that they require more immediate support than harm reduction or moderation. If you decide that abstinence is your goal and you want more intensive support, I will help you find reputable resources that are best for your unique needs.
How can you help me get control of my drinking or substance use habits?
People often enter therapy with a general sense that they find their drinking or substance use is becoming a problem for them, but don’t necessarily want to give it up altogether. And frequently the same people have tried other therapists and ultimately stopped because their moderation goals did not align with the therapists’ view of “successful recovery,” leaving them feeling ostracized, misunderstood, or shamed and abandoned.
I work with you to understand the function of drinking or substance use in your life, how you relate to it and to gain clarity with your goals around it, without judgment and shame.
Get in touch with me
You can reach me via phone or email for a free 15-minute consultation, and I will respond within 24 hours.