Trust, Attachment & Insecurity

Are you feeling insecure in your relationships?

In the past 10 years of my practice, clients have frequently shared challenges with me related to trust, attachment and feeling insecure in their relationships.

The popular book Attached has given many people an overview of attachment in an effort to understand how they relate to partners in relationships. It’s not surprising that so many gravitate to this book as we’ve spent recent years living in isolation and learning how to thrive on our own.

Insecurity often affects intimate partnerships deeply. You may feel anxious or hypervigilant about your partner and the state of your relationship. You could also feel frustrated with yourself about not being able to “let things go,” or be happy with what you have in your life.

Some people have deep fears of intimacy that may cause them to avoid relationships altogether. Even if you have a deep longing for a partner, if you get “easily bored” or want to run when things become “too close”, the fear of intimacy may keep you from dating at all.

Overall trust issues and feeling insecure in your relationships lead to feeling like it’s hard to find a healthy, loving partner or maintain an intimate relationship over time.

How can therapy help with trust & attachment issues?

Once someone has an understanding of their attachment style (even one that’s driven by a self-diagnosis through the internet), what often comes next is the big question of “Why do I act the way I do?”

Your attachment style is something that formed long ago, but can also change depending upon the relationship. Understanding how your primary relationship mirrors or opposes how you were raised, will help you create more securely attached relationships in the future.

Why does intimacy feel uncomfortable?

Sometimes anxiety around being vulnerable causes people to avoid relationships altogether. Even if you have a deep longing for a partner, if you get “easily bored” or want to run when things feel “too close,” the fear of intimacy may keep you from dating at all.

Overall trust issues and feeling insecure in your relationships lead to feeling like it’s hard to find a healthy, loving partner or maintain an intimate relationship over time.

You’re not alone: 50% of people report trouble trusting & feeling secure in their relationships

The most common way this discussion shows up in my therapy practice is when clients share they have doubts about their abilities to be successful in relationships. Some clients are anxious and deeply worried about their relationship. Others describe feeling trapped; like they need to escape when relationships get “too close”.

For clients in either of these scenarios, we work on feeling comfortable with vulnerability. It’s quite normal for people who have been deeply wounded by their parents or caregivers to have difficulty trusting others.

In therapy, I help clients learn to c hallenge their automatic responses in light of their bigger goal to find a healthy partnership. This work is deeply meaningful and helps not just with intimate relationships, but helps clients learn to trust other important people in their lives.

By removing the triggers for insecurity, you can break the pattern of pushing people away, smothering people, or avoiding intimacy altogether.

The good news is you can take a step in therapy to find support

When a client is ready to do this work, it’s both deep and powerful. We explore the roots of the insecurities, because rarely is it just about the person in front of you. When you do this, you can get to the heart of why you behave the way you do, and then you open up the door to make different choices in the future.

Does intimacy feel scary?

Overall trust issues and feeling insecure in your relationships lead to feeling like it’s hard to find a healthy, loving partner or maintain an intimate relationship over time.

How can therapy build trust and attachment?

How Therapy Helps...

The most common way this discussion shows up in my therapy practice is when clients share they have doubts about their ability to be successful in relationships. Some clients are anxious and deeply worried about their relationship. Others describe feeling trapped; like they need to escape when relationships get “too close.”

For clients in either of these scenarios, we work together on feeling comfortable with vulnerability. It’s quite normal for people who have been deeply wounded by their parents or caregivers to have difficulty trusting others.

In therapy...

I help clients learn to 1) Understand the origin of their fears, and 2) Challenge their automatic responses in light of their bigger goal of finding a healthy partnership. This work is deeply meaningful and helps not just with intimate relationships, but helps clients learn to trust other important people in their lives.

By understanding and managing your insecurity, you can break the pattern of pushing people away, overwhelming people, or avoiding intimacy altogether.

How Can I Get Started?

I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation as an opportunity for you and your partner to ask questions, and for me to get a general sense of your communication problems and why you’re seeking therapy now.

From there, we can determine whether you would like to schedule an initial session and go from there!

Get in touch with me

You can reach me via phone or email for a free 15-minute consultation, and I will respond within 24 hours.